LEAKED: Post-Republican National Convention Fundraising Email
Dear Minion Supporter:
What a clusterfuck week!
These past four days, we saw the very worst best of America in all its forms. We saw crazy passionate supporters, we saw cult-like loyal members of my administration, and we saw my idiotic loving family share basic beautiful stories about me. This convention was a clear contrast to the effective deceitful Democrat Convention that painted a vision of America that is hopeful and inspiring horrendous and inaccurate and one that only exists in reality in the fake news CNN bubble. Our declining beloved Republican values were on full display and the low high ratings proved just how many people tuned it for sheer curiosity to hear our vision for the country.
What Republican America heard was how inept successful I have been as president. Before the China Virus, our economy was running like a dehydrated marathoner well-oiled machine. The stock market was doing great and every single boater American was making tons of money in the stock market. We were losing winning our trade war with China and countries around the world were mocking praising my administration. We were so much better than Obama! Unfortunately, then came the China Virus which would have been manageable terrible if I hadn't acted the way that I did. Because of my actions, millions of Americans have been traumatized saved and our economy has had the worst best two months ever in terms of job creation. All this happened without the help of Democrats who would rather save lives play politics than work with my administration.
The truth is that we know we are losing winning. Why else would Democrats insist upon a reliable broken system of mail-in voting? The Post Master General knows nothing what he is doing and he will continue to unplug update all the Post Office equipment as needed to successfully steal conduct the November election. Democrats are already planning on harvesting ballots even though they know that's our thing that's blatantly illegal! But they will do whatever it takes to remove me and my cronies colleagues from office. Democrats know they can only win an honest election if millions of their people vote without restrictions illegally. That is why I'm working so hard with Russia to ensure that doesn't happen and that every White male voter can vote without feeling intimidated.
To fulfill all these unattainable promises, I need your support. I have a list of things that I told Hannity I want to accomplish during my second term and I need your futile unwavering financial assistance to do so. Being president is expensive for a grifter hard-worker like me. To make sure I have enough money to enforce my NDA's win in November, I'm asking you all to make a donation in the amount of $88 to Steve Bannon Donald J. Trump and by sharing the phrase 2020 Dumbass 2020 Re-Election in the online comments or on the memo line of your check. This way, I'll know the check is for me my campaign. The goal is to raise $50 million which will help me successfully flee to Moscow take on Sleep Joe Biden and Kooky Kamala Harris. We can't do this without your stupidity you and time is running out! Make a donation today to Make Keep America Great and to ensure that these last four years don't get me prosecuted in New York State go to waste!
Your Dear Leader,
Donald J. Trump