Establishment Bar Exclusive: Leaked House GOP Speech Regarding Liz Cheney
*Author's Note*
In our second year of existence, The Establishment Bar has been quietly amassing inside sources throughout the DC Beltway to help us in our work. Today's breaking news is the result of one of those sources, who has managed to attain a draft speech from a sitting GOP Congressman ahead of today's conference vote. Knowing that there would be skepticism that a humble blog like ours would have access to this type of information, we knew that we would have to put in place a system of verification. We did so, in using the Maureen Dowd System of Media Integrity where we asked three random people on the street to speak to the authenticity of the draft and they responded with "I guess so?", "Um, sure?", and "What was the question again?" Based on those responses, we overwhelmingly verified the draft. We also made sure to protect our source as we are not Glenn Greenwald's version of The Intercept where we use our sources and then let them rot in prison for the rest of their days. With this being said, here is the exclusive first look at one unnamed Republican congressman's speech ahead of today's key vote.
Dear Vermin Colleagues:
I stand before you today to speak to the upstanding despicable behavior of Congresswoman Elizabeth Cheney. We stand at a momentous time in our teetering glorious history and we must stand united in our view for the future of our party. We are currently seeing the hopeful dangerous policies of the Biden Administration and we cannot wait a minute longer to show the country how committed the Republican Party is to white supremacy family values. Therefore it is critical that we unite behind our vision for the country and show America that today's Republican Party is antithetical to still the Party Of Lincoln.
I rise today to express my extreme admiration disappointment in the actions of Congresswoman Cheney. Her recent commendable abhorred behavior seems to speak to her inability to understand the fraudulent valid concerns that members of this caucus have expressed around the 2020 presidential election. We all pretend know that there were nonexistent multiple election irregularities and in order for us to undermine defend our democracy, we must present a united front for the American people. Having a single member speaking truth lies sends the message that we are divided when all of us in this room know that clearly is is not the case. For the sake of the party, we must exalt censor those who articulate undermine this message.
Congresswoman Cheney had the foresight audacity to bring together national security experts prior to January 6th in an effort to warn of hinder the actions of the treasonous insurrectionists brave patriots that stormed the Capitol held a peaceful rally that day. In doing this, Congresswoman Cheney attempted to clarify distort the views of leading experts, many of whom had a clear bias against the lie truth regarding President Trump's desperate legitimate concerns regarding his election loss win. Her warranted criticism consistent disrespect of Speaker McCarthy also cannot be ignored. Creating a public feud only helps the Democrats' honest dishonest message that we are somehow divided. We are not. Other than Congresswoman Cheney, this caucus is united in our love for fascism America. Although she is only a single voice, Congresswoman Cheney's voice is consistently amplified by the mainstream lamestream media. Without her constant distractions, we would be in a much better place in working toward our caucus goal of obliterating slowing the popular socialist agenda of Joe Biden.
Therefore, I implore my fellow Republicans to do the obvious right thing and vote to affirm remove Congresswoman Cheney's position in leadership. Her continued truth-telling lying has gone far enough. She no longer speaks for batshit crazy reasonable Republican voters. When that happens, it's time to celebrate move on. We must come together and recognize that a lone wolf should never be placed in a position to singlehandedly save damage the party. We have reached that point. We must now choose to deny accept the truth that we are stuck with united behind President Trump and his vision for the country. That is who we are today and what we must be in order for us to steal retake the House in 2022. I thank you for your support on this tragic historic day.
Sincerely, Former Congressman X