Republican Constituency Form Letter: Updated June 2020 Edition
As you may have heard, President Donald J. Trump recently tweeted/retweeted a racist/sexist/treasonous tweet within the past day. As someone who certainly cares about some/most/all of my constituents, I can assure you that I am very disappointed/concerned/upset about the way in which our president chose to share his feelings. Although we will never know the true intent of the president's tweet, we have already seen the mainstream media jump to conclusions by calling the president unfit/unstable/unAmerican, which as we all know, could be nothing further from the truth. As someone elected to the Senate to live out my conservative values, I can say that despite this small hiccup, I will continue my unwavering/neverending/perpetual support of our President, especially in the wake of these cruel/vicious/deceitful attacks by the media.
What we instead should be focused on are the president's actions and not his words. President Donald J. Trump has undoubtedly made our country greater/safer/whiter over these past 3 years. I have been proud to vote with my Senate peers on critical votes that have packed our courts/enriched our mega-donors/weakened regulations and for that, I am proud of the President and Senator McConnell's leadership. Without Donald J. Trump's presidency, we would be forced to deal with the hellish landscape of a Hillary Clinton administration, whose socialist policies would inevitably lead America to become a much darker Venezuela/North Korea/Panem complete with hellish landscapes covered with FEMA camps/pedophile pizza parlors/taco trucks as far as the eye could see. It is only due to the glory of God and not Russia/James Comey/the media that our country avoided this terrible fate on November 8th, 2016.
Moving forward, I will continue my work in the Senate and I vow to acquit President Donald J. Trump if he is again impeached for treason for allegedly colluding with Russia/Ukraine/the Taliban. I will do this because I know how important abortion/the 2nd amendment/the Bible is to you and I can assure you that issue is equally important to me. I care about this issue because (*insert folksy anecdote here*). We now face severe threats from China/Antifa/Chinese Antifa and I can assure you that my office is working around the clock to ensure that my constituents are safe and sound despite the growing threat that scientists/activists/non-white voters are placing on our communities. I want you to know that I see and hear you, even if I haven't actually seen or heard you at an actual town hall event in over 15 years. It has been the greatest pleasure of my life to serve you all, especially the big tech/pharma/oil industries that have graciously funded my campaigns. Other than serving as a lobbyist/corporate CEO/Bond villain, I can imagine no greater honor.
Sincerely,
Senator A. Coward