On kindness

I posted this comment the other day:

OK, I have a few things to say about kindness towards each other, which I'm compiling into a post. But, I will say this: I expect all of us to behave towards each other the way we expect to be treated. I'm not going to ban anyone in the run-up to November; we need each other too much. But I will do something worse: I'll name and shame, assuming that people who come to this blog care about my opinions. It worked for my mother, and I hope it'll work for me. We have to rely on each other, and not cut each other down. And I know I'm guilty of letting my words get ahead of me sometimes, so this is something *I* need to work on. What I expect is that we consider each other allies, and act accordingly. And if anyone's staying away because of conflicts, I encourage them to return. I know the issues, and I'm figuring out a way forward.

I want to expand on this.

We are a diverse group of people. We won't agree on everything. However, we agree on 95% of things. We agree that we need Joe Biden in the White House. We agree that we need Democrats in charge of all branches of government. We agree that Black Lives Matter. We agree that our work as progressive citizens is to continue to perfect the Union.

So when we occasionally devolve into sniping at each other and assuming bad faith, I will just say it straight out: It hurts me, and it hurts Trevor.

I'm proud of the community we've created in this space. And I truly believe it's a "community". We may not agree on everything, but we've, mostly, hung in there with each other since 2012 (when I started writing for TPV). And for whatever reason, y'all followed me and Trevor when we set up shop here. So I think our words have some meaning to you.

One of the things which Barack Obama said when he took us along on this journey is that we can disagree with being disagreeable. That's something I want us all to take to heart.

I said in my comment that I want us to go from the default of considering each other allies. Maybe not the most perfect allies, because that's just not possible as humans. But allies in the aggregate. Allies in pictures both big and small.

But dammit, I wouldn't be spending so much time and energy running this blog if all I thought of you being is "allies".

There are human beings at the other end of that monitor. Human beings who should expect respect and consideration. And if in some way I didn't love this community, I'd close up shop and focus on myself.

I've told a few people that I consider this blog my mitzvah. It's how I hope that I, in a small way, expand the circle of love in this world. That's why when I could no longer tolerate running someone else's blog for no thanks from the blog owner, my thought wasn't just to not write. My thought was to start my own space, with Trevor as my partner in crime. My thought was to continue the community.

Community. That's something this country isn't. It may never have been, not in the macro sense. It's too big, too diverse. And see where this has gotten us. We fail to recognize the spark of the Divine in each other. We assume the worst in each other. Our default position is the defensive crouch.

I'm not saying there aren't good reasons for this. This country is built on injustice. But the wonderful thing I'm seeing is a growing majority of Americans not only acknowledging this country's injustices, but finally demanding action to rectify them. Some of our fellow-citizens are lost, and will never be saved. The best we can do with them is isolate them from infecting the body politic. But the rest of us are going to have to come together to figure out some way forward, and recognize each other's basic humanity.

I have very few expectations out of you. I keep a light moderating touch. But what I expect out of everyone, including myself, is that we treat each other with common decency. In the wider world, that's the one thing we need more than else. The same applies to this space.

I haven't always met my own expectations. I'm far from perfect. But it's the journey, not the destination, because we really will never reach the destination. It'll always be just over the horizon. That's the human condition. But treating each other with basic human concern will make the trip much easier to bear, and maybe even approximate the mythic destination.

I have learned so much from each and every one of you. You've helped me be a better man. I hope you take my words as those of someone who loves and cares for every one of you. And I hope you expand the circle of love to everyone on this blog.