"It was consensual"

As you all know—probably because I take every opportunity to remind you—I am a fervent fan of the beautiful game. Football (soccer) is simply, for me, the world's greatest sport.

The Women's World Cup just recently ended, and the Spanish won the trophy. However, what should have been a moment of celebration and triumph has turned into a reckoning for Spain and the wider world of women's sport.

The head of the Spanish football federation, Luis Rubiales, thought it was perfectly reasonable to kiss the footballer who scored the winning goal, Jenni Hermoso, full on the lips, on the podium, in front of the fans and the world.

A furor has erupted in Spain, Europe, and around the world. Rubiales, rather than resigning in shame, has lashed out and promised to fight a "social assassination". He has called the kiss "consensual", even after Hermoso issued a statement saying that it in no way did she consent. 

He gave a defiant speech in front of the federation, claiming that Hermoso had changed her story, that this was nothing, that it was only a "peck". And when he gave that speech last week, the assembled mostly-men applauded him vigorously, including the head coaches of both the men's and women's teams.

Rubiales, however, is a man whistling past the graveyard. FIFA, the sport's governing body, has suspended him from any football-related activities for ninety days as it carries out an investigation. Aside from the head coach, the women's team's coaching staff resigned en masse. All female national team players, as well as a few of the men's players, refuse to play until Rubiales quits or is fired. The government is figuring out a way to remove him from his position. The two head coaches, after applauding him, came out with statements condemning his actions, mostly to save their own jobs. And then on Monday the regional federations which make up the Spanish federation urged Rubiales to resign.

But wait, it gets more ridiculous. His mother is now conducting a hunger strike inside a church in the south of the country protesting the "witch hunt" being conducted against her baby boy. She, too, calls Hermoso a liar. 

This whole sordid affair stems from a man emboldened by his culture to behave in ways that should bring shame to any human being. (Just as an aside, he has also been criticized for grabbing his crotch in celebration during the match. Boorish. But, even more so as he was seated next to the Spanish queen and her daughter.)

From equal pay to femicide, this episode has touched a nerve in Spain. It is its "Me Too" moment. An event which should have brought pride to a nation has instead become yet one more example that women are not seen as fully human. They are pretty adjuncts to male needs and desires. And, of course, this is in no way limited to Spain. Patriarchal structures are fighting back mightily against any idea of equity between men and woman—sadly often aided by other women who see their prestige as dependent on the whims of men. Just as combatting racism requires uncomfortable and honest conversations, so does stamping out misogyny. In every country, women earn less than men and suffer violence at their hands. 

This tweet perfectly encapsulates this cult of hypermasculinity:

Trying to pinpoint what is so creepy & sad about it ... it has to do with all these men believing on some deep level that no one ever will (or even *should*) love them voluntarily, for who they are, and thus their only hope in life is to dominate & effectively imprison a family.

— David Roberts (@drvolts) August 29, 2023

These men live in a loveless landscape, so they will impose it on those around them. We see this with incels. Rather than seeing the problem in themselves, they see it as a world unaccepting of them, a world which "hates men", and will act with concomitant violence.

Discussions around misogyny are as fraught as those around race. In both cases, a structure which benefits from pathology does not want to accept that the structure itself is rotten to the core. And yes, you find racism and misogyny on the left-liberal side. The "Bernie Bro" didn't come out of nowhere. 

But, as I wrote on Monday, we're better than this, even if it seems bleak. Fitfully we are climbing towards a place of real acceptance. It's not a short, easy climb. But there's nothing else for us other than to do the work. The consequences of not doing so would be catastrophic.

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