Open thread: The first presidential debate—tin foil hat version

Well, today we've been treated to a panoply of wild conspiracy theories as to how an obviously senile Joe Biden will win tonight's debate against president Donald Trump.

"He'll be snorting Adderall!!!"

"He has an earpiece!!!"

"Military intelligence has proof that Biden has received the questions beforehand!!!"

Rosicrucians and lizard people have been left off the list of conspiracies, but you just have to take for granted that they're in on the plot.

Trump supporters know deep down that their messiah is a moron. He's a mook. He's a gonef. He's a serial adulterer and failed businessman. If it weren't for a confluence of events, he'd be scrounging for buildings onto which to slap his name. They know he's going to go on stage and poop his pants, and be unable to string together two words. But that makes them even more moronic for following him. So, thus, the CT. 

What this summer and autumn have shown is a pretty stable race. Trump is running out of time to turn this around, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that he'll be able to. He is unable to cut into Biden's lead, and is in fact seeing states slip out of reach, while his broke campaign takes ads off the air in swing states. Of course, all the usual caveats, anything can happen, yadda yadda yadda. As in, sure, maybe I'll wake up one day and find Jennifer Lopez in my bed. It could happen!! But it probably won't. As I keep saying: Be cautious, but be confident.

Let's go, Joe!