Florida High
Hello, Seminoles!
As your new principal, it is my distinct privilege to welcome you all back to campus this fall. I am honored to join Seminole Nation and be part of this amazing team. This is actually my first year in public education as I've previously worked as a used car salesman and Hobby Lobby associate. However, in conversation with former Attorney General Pam Bondi at a GOP fundraiser in March, she suggested I apply for this job, and lo and behold, here I am! As a former C-student and community college graduate, I can assure you I know the value of a good education and I will work fairly hard to make sure all of our deserving students have the chance to shine in the years to come.
I know it has been a trying time for many of us, especially as we have collectively struggled to deal with the tragic and untimely loss of the great Charlie Daniels. However, life must go on and the way for life to go on is for us to get back to normal as quickly as possible. Therefore, with guidance from our esteemed Governor DeSantis along with statewide consultations from Doctors Birx, Oz, and Phil, our public education system is ready to open as scheduled for the fall of 2020, with only a few minor changes to be made aware of:
1. Staffing
Due to the inevitable post-Obama economic slump, we have had to cut back our staffing for the 2020-2021 school year. Among those positions removed were the school librarian, school nurse, all art and music teachers, and the entire social studies department. In order to keep our classrooms at a manageable size, we've hired an additional 6 male gym teachers who will be showing classic sports games for Sports History, which will fulfill the students' social studies credit. We've also added 4 additional assistant coaches for the football team as a reward for the team doubling its win total from 1 to 2 wins a year ago.
2. Dress Code
Due to the nature of our current political climate, we want to ensure that each and every student feels safe in our halls. To do that, we will be eliminating any provocative messaging on clothing that may threaten someone's self-esteem. Among the messages that will not be allowed are: Black Lives Matter, LGBT equality, pro-choice stances, anti-gun words or phrases, or anything that disrespects the President of the United States. As always, such time-honored symbols will continue to be allowed such as the confederate flag, don't tread on me t-shirts, anti-liberal backpack stickers, and MAGA hats.
3. Sickness
We admire just how tough our students are by the fact that they want to come to school, despite feeling under the weather. Just like the real world, it is expected that students show up, even if they are not feeling 100%. Should a student have a sudden coughing fit (most likely due to seasonal allergies) then we ask that student stand up and walk to the back of the class and cough near the air vent so as not to disturb the teacher's lecture. Since we can no longer afford classroom cleaning supplies, students are allowed to bring one handkerchief, to be used only between classes.
4. Absences
At the end of last year, the school found that many students were providing forged or fake doctor's notes claiming the need to "quarantine" for 14 days due to COVID-19. Clearly, this was done in an effort to get an extra two weeks of vacation for the student and therefore, any alleged "quarantine" doctor's note will be refused and the student will be expected to attend class. In addition, the passing of a grandparent is no longer considered an excused absence. Yes, we are sorry for your loss but these folks are expendable anyway and we really shouldn't be missing class for a death that has already occurred.
5. New Traditions
Lastly, we here at Seminole Nation are excited to introduce a handful of new traditions this year that should last for generations to come. Among them are:
-Starting every day with both the Pledge of Allegiance and the singing of "Dixie's Land"
-Beginning each pep rally with our Seminole mascot being chased out of the gym by one of our faculty dressed as a cowboy
-Mask Mayhem: Having one afternoon per month where students and parents can join us for a bonfire to burn all of our now unnecessary masks
-Sex Ed Switcheroo: Having our health department teach sex ed at the beginning of the school year rather than the end so that our students don't have conflicting messages when it comes time for prom
-Valuing the Valedictorian: Creating a new standard of excellence as this year's valedictorian will no longer be the nerdy bookworm with the highest GPA but rather the Junior ROTC cadet that can do the most pushups in 60 seconds
The administrative team here is thrilled to have you back this year and we guarantee this will be an absolute killer of a year! Go Noles, go!
Sincerely,
Mr. John C. Fraut, Principal/CEO