Monday open thread: Life's not supposed to be easy, but it gets better

Well.

As I shared last week, I had a wee bit of a health scare, when blood work showed that I had HIV antibodies.

To say that I was nonplussed would be an understatement. I've been with the same woman for over 20 years. I've never been an intravenous drug user. I haven't cheated on my missus. I am not the demographic for HIV infection.

Now, as I also shared, the lab work which tested to see if I had the actual virus came back negative. But for two days, the dominant thought in my mind was "Why me?".

Why is this happening to me? Did I disturb the universe? Do I not get a break after a very tough four years, which included my wife going through surgeries to heal her knee and ankle? My mother contracting dementia? The pandemic? My mother dying? My father-in-law dying? All the things my wife's sister has gone through?

These are all valid questions. I wouldn't denigrate anyone else who asked them, telling them to "man up". Pain is pain, and to disregard it—in yourself or others—is not the way to a decent life.

However, may I posit this answer? Life is not supposed to be easy. We are specks in the universe. When you compare our mortal lives to the infinity of existence, we don't merit any consideration. I'm not saying this to be a downer, or to send you into an existential crisis. For me, when I realized this, it freed me. It freed me because it hit me that life is imbued with the meaning we give it. No holy book, no guru will give you anywhere the meaningful life that you give yourself. All the self-help books teach you nothing that you couldn't learn on your own just by observing yourself and those around you. (And you'd save $29.95.)

And that leads to the other revelation: If you realize this, things get better. You're no longer shackled to the belief that you deserve happiness. No, you don't. You do not deserve happiness. Neither do you deserve misery. Neither of those things come from some external power or event. They come from inside, and from the decisions you take or don't take. There are religious people who are miserable, and atheists who live in bliss. And vice versa. And it's not externalities which make them so, but the actions and thoughts in which they live.

The universe owes us nothing. God, if She exists, owes us nothing. We've been placed in this mortal realm to live out our lives. And yes, the actions of others affect us. But we can do nothing about that. We can control only that which we can control, and that's our own thoughts and deeds. All the wisdom traditions of humanity teach us this. Tend to your own garden, and help those who need and want help. If we all do this, it's amazing the mountains we can move.

Grab all the joy you can out of this existence. Live your life as you wish, not hurting anyone else. This is the totality of the Law; the rest is just commentary.

This is your open thread.

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