TACO Thursday: Greenland Edition

From CNBC:

President Donald Trump on Wednesday said he and NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte have “formed the framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland.”

Trump said that as a result of that negotiation, he would no longer impose punitive tariffs on a slew of European countries that were set to begin Feb. 1.

In an interview with CNBC’s Joe Kernen minutes after posting the statement, Trump described the Greenland framework as the “concept of a deal.”

Asked for more details about the proposal, Trump said, “It’s a little bit complex, but we’ll explain it down the line.”

But he suggested that the framework involves mineral rights for the U.S., as well as the Trump administration’s proposed “Golden Dome” missile defense system.

“They’re going to be involved in the Golden Dome, and they’re going to be involved in mineral rights, and so are we,” Trump told Kernen.

Asked to confirm that the tariffs were no longer coming next month, Trump said, “No, we took that off because it looks like we have, pretty much the concept of a deal.”

...Other details about the framework agreement were unclear. Asked for additional information, White House spokeswoman Anna Kelly echoed Trump’s assurance that more details will “continue to be unveiled as discussions continue.” 

And thus ends the Trump-Greenland invasion.

We live in the worst timeline. One where we're all subject to the whims of the Mad King. But for as godawful as the Mad King's impulses are, what we're seeing is that there are forces behind the scenes reigning him in. Those forces don't like losing money. In particular, they certainly don't like losing money when Trump goes off the rails. So any time that happens, there magically appears a solution that involves Trump chickening out and somehow trying to spin his obvious loss as a win. His brain is such mush at this point that he honestly believes this latest development is a good thing. Meanwhile, stocks rallied throughout the day, and the Dow Jones added 550 points to make up for the loss it had incurred during Tuesday's uncertainty.

Republicans hate all non-White people. But what they hate even more is losing money. It's the party that literally runs on grift. In electing Trump, they wanted someone who would help get them tax breaks. Check. But what they didn't want was someone so erratic, so discombobulated, that he would put their entire stock portfolios at risk. Not to mention, someone who would tax their fancy French champagne, which Trump seemed poised to do before yesterday's announcement. See, when Trump rounds up all the brown people without cause, that's perfectly okay. When he threatens to tax rich people's beloved luxury items, that's a bridge too far for the wealthy GOP donors. Once that happens, those pulling the strings behind the scenes rein him in by convincing him that his backing down is the proper course of action. And in Trump's dementia-ridden mind, he actually believes his chickening out is somehow, some way a show of strength that gets him even closer to his original goal.

We're truly living out Idiocracy. But in that film, at least President Terry Crews wasn't a malignant narcissist clearly suffering from obvious dementia. Here in the real world in 2026, the United States is forced to have a giant manbaby in charge of the nuclear codes. The only thing preventing him from doing even more significant damage is the fact that rich billionaires can't afford his stupid, arbitrary tariffs on all their luxury items. Trump repeatedly chickening out is not a reflection of him admitting his errors; it's a way for our country's wealthy elite to stop temporarily losing money. They love Trump and what he stands for. He says the things they all believe. Yet once he makes asinine business decisions that impact their own wealth, that's a bridge too far. That's when they are forced to step in and make sure he undoes the damage that he's done while convincing him it was the right thing to do all along.

There's a reason we've never elected a businessman to the highest office in the land. Donald J. Trump is that reason. He views everything as a transaction. He's violated his oath of office to enrich his family. He sees permanent alliances as business deals that can be improved through increased membership fees. He uses tariffs as blackmail to extort friends and foes alike, with no strategy other than whichever country hurt his feefees the day before. Those countries that curry favor get better deals. Those who stand up to him get punished. He treats the presidency of the United States like an episode of The Apprentice. And just like Donald Trump on the show, we now have someone at the helm who is ignorant and unattentive to all the innerworkings and intricacies needed to understand what is truly going on. Only this time, we can't go back and edit the footage to make it seem like Trump was right all along. We're forced to witness his incompetence in real time, and without Mark Burnett's clever editing, what we're seeing is a man so godawfully unqualified that we all now see that he would be selling used cars for a living had he not been the son of a wealthy real estate developer. 

The Greenland crisis has been averted. But who knows where Trump moves on to next. Canada? Panama? You know he's aching to wield his presidential sword, especially once he inevitably hears about how he got played with his latest deal. So we'll do this all over again in the coming weeks. Trump (and his billionaire inner circle) targets a mineral-rich country. Declares it his own. Markets crash. Shady billionaires talk Trump out of declaring war. They buy on the dip. Markets recover. Trump's pals make millions. All done in a way so that Trump can saber-rattle and play war before pulling out, making some half-assed "deal" that doesn't actually do anything, and then patting himself on the back for being the world's best dealmaker. Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin sits in the Kremlin smiling in approval as the United States officially relinquishes its role as the preeminent world power. 

All so a select few shady billionaires can manipulate Donald Trump in a way that pockets them millions simply for enduring his own worst impulses.