Live by the conspiracy theory, die by the conspiracy theory
Well, well, well.
As Trevor wrote on Monday, shit is hitting the fan with Donald Trump's regime reneging on a major campaign promise, which was to release the so-called "Epstein files" from dead (murdered?) pedophile and close Trump associate Jeffrey Epstein. Trump superfans like Matt Walsh are crying foul, demanding that he keep his promise and release the files, damn the consequences.
These "explosive" documents weren't even on the radar of the Biden Administration. Probably because, as quite a few of you in the comments have noted, there's no "there" there. As the poet said, "Is you taking notes on a fucking criminal conspiracy?" I find it highly doubtful that Epstein would keep details on his criminality, even to inoculate himself from the powerful people who availed themselves of his services.
However, the existence or non-existence of such files is really beside the point now.
Trumpworld salivated over his promise to release all information pertaining to the Epstein case. Why? Because the conspiracy theory was that the list was loaded with details of liberal criminality. This was an actionable Q-Anon fever dream. Finally! We'll have proof of a liberal, Satanic, child trafficking ring! It will usher in the Thousand Year MAGA Reich! The disgusting perverts would be exposed at the least, and tried, convicted, and executed if they had their druthers. The people who laughed at Pizzagate would finally have to bend the knee to the truth they had so long mocked.
Conspiracists can never be satisfied. But, in this case, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you. And the way the regime has handled this case has gotten erstwhile allies fuming and turning their sights on Trump and his minions. They have invested years in going over the Epstein Zapruder tape to tease out supposition and evidence. Hillary killed Epstein! No, it was Obama! Today Trump said that the files were authored by Joe Biden. It's the Russia Russia Russia hoax all over again!
Such deflections are falling on deaf ears. Sure, the likes of Charlie Kirk have bent the knee. But there are many more true believers who are not going to let this go. Even on his social media platform, Trump is unable to squelch the outrage. Even Karine Jean-Pierre's favorite punching bag is feeling his oats:
DOOCY: So what happened to the Epstein client list that the attorney general said she had on her desk? LEAVITT: I think if you go back and look at what the attorney general said DOOCY: I've got the quote. She said, it's sitting on my desk right now to review.
— Acyn (@acyn.bsky.social) July 7, 2025 at 10:51 AM
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When Mr. Douchey is feeling brave—and his superiors at Fox are allowing him to be so—you know this is a story which has legs. The unlikeliest FBI official, Dan Bognino, is incensed that Attorney General Pam Bondi has buried the investigation, threatening to resign. It is, quite simply, a mess. And, of course, it doesn't help that Trump himself can't stop talking about it, as if he's the narrator in Poe's "The Tell-tale Heart". Can you hear your dear friend's heartbeat, Donnie? Can you still see his vulture's eye?
Of course, this is what happens when you base a political movement on conspiracism. Every crackpot in this country has moved over to the Republican Party, infecting it with their pathologies and their idée fixe. They believed that the world is ruled by a cabal of pedophiles, and Trump was sent by God itself to expose this evil and save the world. And now? It seems that he's in cahoots with the cabal. Everything he had told them was a lie. Too late they're learning what we've been saying: Trump is for no one but Trump. They're warped idealists, and that idealism has been shattered. And it's not something from which they can just pivot and accept the new party line. For them this has been existential, this belief of dark forces in control of the world, and Donald Trump as the hero who would reveal all and excise it root and branch.
I'm not fellating anyone yet. But we may have found the thing which will take down Trump. And it was, as usual, of his own doing. Someone seen in so many pictures with Epstein should have kept a calm circumspection and not drawn attention to the matter. But that's not Donald Trump. He can't stop babbling. And it seems as if he's on the verge of putting 5th Avenue to the test. Will those who expected him to release all the Epstein information give up and fall into line? Or is this finally the bridge too far? Either way, conspiracy-minded movements always eat themselves. The shame is that we have to suffer as well as they do it.