Barclay Davis - Cocktails; Part One

Art by Scopedog

Friday night at the Crow's Bar, and most of the Gang - Bob, Paul, Mitch, Sam, Pete, and Carol - are huddled around their usual table, discussing their lives. Then Rudolf, who hasn't been seen in a long while, shows up. Word was he was serving time in prison for something, and was just released and is trying to mark his territory again. Most of the Gang who know him were none too pleased about his return, saying in disgusted unison, "Rudolf!!!"😠

Rudolf strolls up to their table and starts to talk to them.

"Hello losers. Did you miss me?" Rudolf asked them. Their response was a general no.

Rudolf looks at Carol, and asks her "What hole did you crawl out of?"

"The hole where your worst nightmares are stored, dicklick!" Carol shot back at Rudolf, who just laughed at her. He then turns to Paul, who he's never seen before as well, and asks "And who are you supposed to be?"

"I am Mitch's fiance. We plan on being married sometime in the year." Paul responds.

Rudolf just laughs at him and continues. "They actually let fags like you marry?"

"I wouldn't be so careless with those words if I were you, mon ami!" Paul tells Rudolf. "From what I've heard, you just got released from prison, where you obviously had to make do with any hole to fuck!"

Rudolf was annoyed by Paul's response, until he saw Frida, who was serving drinks. After producing a sinister grin, Rudolf made a beeline towards her. Paul, believing Frida was about to be in peril, got up to try and defend her. But Mitch pulled him back down into his seat, telling him, "Uh-uh-uh! Don't do anything right now. Just sit there and let the events unfold!"

Rudolf casually approaches Frida and starts his charm offensive. "Hello. I can't help but notice how sexy you are, in this place of ugly losers!" He cooly tells Frida. "My name is Rudolf! Perhaps I can take you away from this pit to go somewheres and show just how beautiful you are!"

Frida looks at him strange, and says to him "You're Rudolf? Oh my, I've heard so much about you!"

Rudolf seems rather pleased with that response and says to Frida "Ah, so you'll be ready to go out with me, then?"

Frida chuckles a bit at Rudolf, and then adamantly tells him "NO!!!" which took back Rudolf, as that was not the answer he had hoped to hear from Frida, who continued "Not only are you a dog of a man, you're also a criminal scum with a shady past that I want no part of!" Rudolf quickly grows annoyed at Frida's rejection of him, as Frida continues, "And, what's more...I'm already going out with a guy who's a far better man than you in every way possible."

Rudolf immediately laughs at that, saying "Really now? And where is this so-called better man than me of yours hiding, so as to not face his fate?"

"Hello, Rudolf." Max tells him, as he pulls up next to Frida and continues talking to him. "Out of jail, already? I bet so many of your prison playmates were upset at losing their favourite squeeze box!"

Rudolf didn't like that response from Max. But he says to him, "HA! You are so fortunate, right now, loser! If I wasn't looking for the boyfriend of this woman, I'm planning on taking out, I'd be smashing your face right now!"

"Well, you don't have to search far and wide, Rudolf." Max told him, as he put his arm on Frida's shoulder, saying. "You're looking at him!"

After standing there for a moment with a stunned look on his face, Rudolf started laughing uncontrollably. Then he started talking. "YOU?!! A pathetic loser, like you? Going out with this super hot bitch?" Rudolf kept laughing, while Frida was pissed at him for calling her a bitch and Max arched an eyebrow at him. As Rudolf starts reaching his hand out to Frida, he continues, "Well then, this should be the easiest pickup I've ever made in my entire..."

But then, Max grabs Rudolf's wrist, just before he touched Frida, and tells a quickly pissed off Rudolf, "Actually, Rudolf, your attempts at a sexual conquest will not proceed as planned, as you will kindly turn your persona around and egret your way away from this establishment, for the hopes of your welfare."

Rudolf didn't quite get what Max was telling him, saying "Huh?"

Max gives him his answer: "How should I put this...fuck off, asshole!!!"

Rudolf grew quickly angry at Max for insulting him like that. Paul sees this from a distance, with the rest of the Gang, and starts to get up to help. But Mitch quickly grabs him and sits him down again. "Now what did I just tell you? Sit there, eat your popcorn, and watch!" Mitch tells Paul as he's stuffing a handful of popcorn into Paul's mouth.

Rudolf then grabs Max by his shirt and pulls him close to him. With his fist cocked back and ready to attack, Rudolf screams at Max, "DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS, BEFORE I SMASH YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL??!!!"

Max just smiles, nods his head, up and down, then turns to his left to calmly say "Vic-torrrrr..."

Rudolf is looking at Max weird, as Max has a defiant smirk on his face. Then, Victor pops up from behind Max's head, with his claws out, giving Rudolf a very scary hiss at him. Rudolf starts screaming, in white hot terror, as his extreme kabourophobia kicks in, and Victor lunges at his face. They're soon on the ground as Victor is giving Rudolf the mother of all crab pinchings - going at his face, then his fingers, and even attacking his crotch! Rudolf is crying in agony, as his worst unfounded fears are becoming a reality. He breaks away from Victor for a moment, but Victor continues to come after Rudolf with his claws out and hissing at him. Rudolf, not wanting to take any more of this, quickly gets up and dashes right out of the Crow's Bar.

Victor is hopping up and down on his spot, as he screams out, "YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT ASSHOLE!!! GET YER SLIMY ASS OUTTA THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW, IF YA KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA!!! MAYBE YOU'LL LEARN NOT TO GRAB THINGS THAT DON'T WANNA BE GRABBED BY YOU!!!"

Frida, who was standing next to Max the entire time, was quite surprised by what she witnessed. She told him, "Oh Victor, you were so wonderful!"

Victor turned around, with a cheesy grin on his face, telling Frida "Was I really, now?🦀😁

"Oh, yes you were!" Frida told Victor, as she picked him off of the floor. "You were so amazingly brave and awesome taking on that big creep like that!" The two of them, along with Max, went to joing the Gang at their table, where they all praised Victor for defending Frida's honor.

Paul, quite surprised by what he just witnessed, told Victor. "Hey you're quite the fighter there! Perhaps I should hire you to help teach my class, eh mes ami?"

"That's quite alright, Paul. I'm sure your students aren't ready for the lightning fast fighting technique called...CRAB-FU!" Victor told him, feling all cocky and overconfident at the moment.

Just then, policeman turned detective Al Antonidas enters the bar and goes up to the gang to start talking to them. "Well, I just saw Rudolf run out of this place as if his life was on the line, so I just assumed Victor had chased him out."

"Ya got that right, Al!" Victor tells him "That bum has no answer for my crab-fu!"

Al laughs at that, and gives the Gang a big hi to them. He sees Frida sitting next to Max, and is surprised.

"Are you Frida?" Al asks her.

"Why, yes I am. Nice to meet you, Al. I've heard so many nice things about you."

Al, still surprised, continued. "And your Max's new girlfriend?"

"Yes I am!" Frida says enthusiastically. "And I've never been more happy in my entire life!" she continues while hugging Max and kissing him on his cheek.

"HOOOO-LEEEE!!!" Al gasps, then looks at Max and says. "Max you so lucked out with her! She is such a beautiful woman. Not as beautiful as Gloria, you understand."

Max laughs at that, and says "Of course. Why don't you pull up a chair and sit with us Al?" Max says to him.

"Nah, that's alright." Al says. "I'm still on the clock right now. The reason I came here is to give you guys an invitation to our new house, next Saturday!"

Everyone is thrilled with that news. Bob asks him "Ya gotta new house in dis tight market?"

"Yup!" Al tells him. "Amazing what being a police detective and someone who runs her own business can get you. We just moved in and settled down this past week, so we thought it would be a good time to have a house warming party! Food and drinks will be provided for all." He then looks at Max and Frida and tells the two of them, "And Max? Frida? Your attendance is mandatory!"

"Oh?" Max said, then turned to look at Frida, who was also surprised by that. Max looks at Al again and asks "How so?"

Al explains. "Well, when we first heard of Frida, Gloria got all excited about a potential girlfriend for you. And when we found out the two of you became a couple, she's been dying to meet her. And this party is the perfect meet and greet with the two of you."

"Well now!" Max says, as he looks at Frida. "We certainly can't disappoint Gloria by not showing up, now can we, Frida?"

"Of course not, Max!" Frida tells him, then looks at Al and tells him "We are so looking forward to attending your party next week, Al. I'm dying to meet Gloria, as well!"

"Can I get my brother, Mo, and my sister in law, Jasmine, to attend?" Sam asks.

"Of course, Sam." Al tells him. "And Bob, you can bring Shontel with you!" Bob gives Al a thumbs up. "Well, I gotta go back to work now. Party begins around 7-8PM. Be there, or I'll have you arrested!" The Gang laughs at that, as Al leaves the Crow's Bar.

Victor was acting all excited about the party. He says "Oh boy, oh boy, I can't wait! We're gonna have such fun, next Saturday!"

"What do you mean 'we,' shellface?" Max tells him. "You're not coming to the party with us!"

"Huh? Why not?" asks an incredulous Victor.

"Do I have to explain why?" Max answers him. "Everytime you come to these parties with us, we leave after you do something that embarasses us to the point where the hosts don't want us back!"

"WHAT?!!" Victor says, feeling insulted. "Gimme ONE example where I ruined a party for you guys!"

"Well, how about Brian and Janet, for starters?" Max tells Victor. "They still haven't been able to remove that giant, ugly stain you left them. And then there's Dan and Kim, who are still pissed at us, because you attacked their dog for sniffing you! That poor thing still hasn't recovered from your crab attack. No Victor, not his time!" Max assures him. "Al and Gloria are very close friends. And there's no way on God's green earth that I'm going to let you come with us, so that you can...OOOWWWW!!!" Max screams after receiving a solid punch to the arm from Frida. Max was grimacing and started clutching his right arm in pain. He turns to Frida and says "THE HELL, FRIDA?!!"

"Oh, hush up, Max!" Frida commands him. "Victor is as much a part of this Gang as anyone, so he should be allowed to come!" Frida then leans into Victor, and softly says "And besides, Victor is my hero, tonight! He took on a much bigger and scarier foe, who was accosting me, and easily took him down. Such courage and bravery shouldn't go unrewarded!" She then kissed Victor on the head, which caused him to beam with pride. As well as to stick out his tongue and wiggle his claws at Max in defiance of him.

Max, with a disgusted look on his face, defeatedly says "Alright, FINE! He can come."

"YES!!!" Victor says. "To Victor, goes the spoils!"

"But let's get something straight, shellface!" Max tells Victor. "The only reason you're allowed to come to this party is because of Frida. So I expect you to be on your ABSOLUTE best behavior, next Saturday. One mishap, one fuckup from you, and it won't be ME you'll have to answer to. It'll be Frida. Capice?"

"Sure!" Victor says. "Whatevs. I capice an' stuff!"

"Good!" Max tells Victor. He soon turns to Frida, and says to her "Well. He's your responsibility now. I hope you can handle all that pressure...mother!"😈

Frida, not liking the tone in Max's voice, punches him in the arm, again. Harder!

"OOOWWWW!!!" Max says, as he winces in pain. "Jeez, Frida, that really hurt! Why...OOOWWWW!!!" Max then drops to the floor in agony.

Coming up: Barclay Davis - Cocktails; Part Two